i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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