At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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