I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
