dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
