I wish my penis had an off switch
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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