How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
