Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
