How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
