...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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