He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
