We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
