you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
