The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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