i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
