if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
