It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
