oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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