she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
