the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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