the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
