I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
