it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
