My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Every concussion has its silver lining
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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