Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
