just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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