My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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