Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
