Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
