Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
