I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
