at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
