Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
