just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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