party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
