Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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