It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
