she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
