Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
