While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
