Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
