Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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