it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
