Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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