I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
