he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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