take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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