U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
