Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Let's get the cat blown out
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
