Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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