i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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