You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
bring money and cleavage
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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