it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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