I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
