so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
