You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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