You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
