everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
worst night to have a conscience
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
