And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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