he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
